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كتب الكترونية- محاضرات وملخصات- نتائج امتحانية- اخبار- افلام ومسلسلات اجنبية- اغاني اجنبية- رياضة- فن وادب- والمزيد...
 
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 English Jocks

استعرض الموضوع السابق استعرض الموضوع التالي اذهب الى الأسفل 
كاتب الموضوعرسالة
Mister Nour
مدير التصميم والمشرف العام
مدير التصميم والمشرف العام


المساهمات : 3672
نقاط التميز : 4085
طالب بقسم : IELTS Instructor
السنة الدراسية : Graduated
العمر : 29
الدولة : Qatar
البرج : الجدي
البرج الصيني : النمر
الجنس : ذكر

مُساهمةموضوع: English Jocks   30/03/10, 03:27 am

Our FRIEND WAS chatting with a female - (Online
chat).

(Background both are s/w engineers by the way and both work for real big
MNC's)

Hero : Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?

Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u on chat

Hero : wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I find
you on
Chat

Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some
Coffee.

Hero : OK

(Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager
comes to his desk ).

Manager : Hey, I need some help from you


Hero : [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me.

Manager : Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime
number, Given
value of n. Would you give this by today evening?

Hero : I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you,
if I
Give it by tomorrow evening.

Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place]

(Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female
to
Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chat window...)

Female: Hey, am back

Hero : cool, you know what my manager does, he's kinda..... keeps asking
stupid
tings, tries to give me stupid work.... $*#&$@

Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers
are!!

Hero : Yep, u rite!!

Female: Hey, can u do me a favor

Hero : *smiles* sure, why not.

Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number,
given
N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's
real
Urgent for me to work this out

Hero : hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from
now.

ok?

Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU
KNOW WHO
I AM ...!!

AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW !!

*********

How To Start Your Day With A Positive Attitude

Open a new file in your PC .


2. Name it ' Boss '


3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN


4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN


5. Your PC will ask you, 'Are you sure you want to delete Boss permanently? '


6. Answer calmly, 'Yes,' and press the mouse button firmly....


7. Feel better?


HAVE A NICE DAY

**********


A beautiful Madam was having
trouble with one of her students in 1st Grade
class. Madam asked,'Boy. what is your problem?'

Boy answered, 'I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the
third-grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 4th
Grade!'

Madam had enough. She took the Boy
to the principal's office. While
the Boy
waited in the outer office, madam explained to the principal what the
situation
was. The principal told Madam he would give the boy a test and if he
failed to
answer any of his
questions he was to go back to the first-grade and behave.She agreed.

the Boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to
take the test.







Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'

Boy.: '9'.



Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'

Boy.: '36'.

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 4th grade
should
know. The principal looks at Madam and tells her, 'I think Boy can go to
the 4th
grade.'

Madam says to the principal, 'I have some of my own questions.

Can I ask him ?' The principal and Boy both agreed.

Madam asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of'?

Boy, after a moment 'Legs.'








Madam: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'



Boy.: 'Pockets.'



Madam: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is
hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?


Boy.: Coconut



Madam: What goes in hard and pink then comes out
soft And sticky?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer, Boy
was taking charge.




Boy.: Bubblegum



Madam: What does a man do standing up, a woman does
sitting down and a dog does on three legs?

The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
answer..




Boy.: Shake hands




Madam: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down
to get me up. I get wet before you do.



Boy.: Tent



Madam: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when
you're bored. The best man always has me first.

The Principal was looking restless, a bit tense and took one large
Patiala Vodka
peg.




Boy.: Wedding Ring



Madam: I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I
drip. When you blow me, you feel good.



Boy.: Nose



Madam: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I
come with a quiver.



Boy.: Arrow



Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K'
that means lot of heat and excitement?



Boy.: Fire truck



Madam: What word starts with a 'F' and ends in 'K'
& if u don't get it, u have to use ur hand.



Boy.: Fork



Madam: What is it that all men have one of it's
longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn't use his and a man
gives it
to his wife after they're married?



Boy.: SURNAME.



Madam: What part of the man has no bone but has
muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for
making love ?



Boy.: HEART.

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,

'Send this Boy to
IIM AHMEDABAD (Indian Institute Of
Managment)
I got the last ten questions wrong myself!


6 weeks , 6 months, 6 years
. . .

********

Dating process:

6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I
love U.
6 months : Of course I love U.
6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose?

********

Back from Work:

6 weeks : Honey, I'm home.
6 months : BACK!!
6 years : What did your mom cook for us today??


********

Gifts:

6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring.
6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room.
6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something.

********

Phone Ringing:

6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone.
6 months : Here, for you.
6 years : PHONE RINGING.

********

Cooking:

6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good!
6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight?
6 years : AGAIN!!!!

********

Apology:

6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against
you.
6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again.
6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said??

********

New Dress:

6 weeks : Oh my God, you look like an angel in that dress.
6 months : You bought a new dress again???
6 years : How much did THAT cost me?

********

Planning for Vacations:

6 weeks : How do 2 weeks in Vienna or anywhere you please sound??
6 months : What's so bad about going to India on a charter plane?
6 years : Travel? What's so bad about staying home???

********

TV:

6 weeks : Baby, what would you like us to watch tonight?
6 months : I like this movie.
6 years : I'm going to watch ESPN, if you're not in the mood, go to bed,
I can
stay up by myself . . .

********



الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
هلا
مشرف عام
مشرف عام


المساهمات : 1724
نقاط التميز : 834
طالب بقسم : English department
السنة الدراسية : third year
العمر : 26
الدولة : Syria
البرج : الجوزاء
البرج الصيني : الحصان
الجنس : انثى

مُساهمةموضوع: رد: English Jocks   11/04/10, 03:42 am

thanks alot
الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة اذهب الى الأسفل
 
English Jocks
استعرض الموضوع السابق استعرض الموضوع التالي الرجوع الى أعلى الصفحة 
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